PROCLAMATION EDUCATIONAL DECREE 02 This page is a homearchive. Please do not edit the contents of this page. Direct any additional comments to the current talk page or contact an administrator for aid if no talk page exists.
"I know you have a desire to... save the world, for lack of a better term," he said with a gentle smile. "But I also think you jump in with both feet... sometimes a bit prematurely. Why not wait until... you know for certain that it's not going to just blow over?"
He glanced up at the wall, where there was a picture from their wedding day hung, with the two of them smiling, and then embracing, the wind gently playing with the ends of Elle's hair, and skirts. "You were radiant," he said, before flicking his eyes back to her. He tucked a stray hair behind her ear. "Always are."
He could hear her tone... but he did want to be a Dad at some point. "I'd be ready whenever you are," he said, trying to sound casual, so as not to freak her out too much, since he knew she wanted to wait.
"Elle, honey," he said gently. "I've told you... I'm ready. And I will stay ready until you decide that you're ready. That's not something I can decide for you. And I don't want you to.... compromise on when you are, because that wouldn't be fair to you." He frowned slightly. "And... I'm not sure where you get the notion that I'd step back and watch you parent. I'm fully aware that's not how that works. I want to be a parent."
"Elle... I believe I stated in there several times that I want children. However, biologically speaking, I do not get to decide when you get pregnant. Obviously I care... but as the man... I get very little say in when it happens. I can say I'm ready... and then you tell me when you're ready to start trying. But I can't decide for you when you're ready... mentally, and I can't decide when it's going to happen physically." He let out a breath. "But believe me. I want to be a parent, and I look forward to it. So I'm not going to sit back on that... I promise."
He frowned, now feeling backed into a corner. "Elle, the only way I can think of to make it 'our' decision is to forgo sex completely until we decide to try, or for me to.. actively try to not.... finish... when we do."
"And I am telling you, I think that we are in a financial place... that won't ever be a burden to us. I can use paternity leave... and work out whatever I need to with Mark to care for a child, and I'm willing and ready to do that." He frowned. "I'm getting the feeling that you aren't ready... for whatever reason... and that's fine. But I can't read your mind, and I will not decide for you when you're ready to be a mother."
He'd already told her that... but apparently his answers weren't good enough, and there was a slightly sour expression on his face that he did his best to clear. "No, I don't want to live here forever. I guess, I'd want to find a house... either after you're pregnant, or when we start trying... and the size of the house I would think should depend on the size of the family we see ourselves raising." He paused. "The where doesn't matter as much to me, since we can Apparate wherever we need to... but I'd prefer to stay nearer to our families."
He felt trapped again. "There's no way of predicting that, Elle. So I have no preference. I'd want at least one boy and one girl, I suppose... but the order doesn't matter, because we have no control over that." He gave her a somewhat pointed look. "What do you want.... house, family size, boys, girls....."
"Because... in the past... whenever I've stated my opinion on something you just... nod and decide that's how we're going to have it be. And that... makes me feel as though I'm making all the decisions, and I really don't want to do that. I spent my whole life having people make decisions for me, and I hated it. And a decision about something that affects you way more than it does me feels wrong and awful of me to make, or even have... say in." He paused. "And I don't want to... make a decision over something I have no control over... like when you're ready. Whether or not I want a boy or girl first. It colors the perception of things. I'd hate to... inflict any... subconscious bias on a first-born daughter, just because we wanted a boy first."
He wasn't sure what to say to that. He took a long moment. "I guess... to me that feels like setting up expectation for a kid before they even arrive. What if we have a boy who's far more nurturing than into sports and Quidditch? What if we have a girl who's exactly like you, and is far more interested in sports than... I don't know, setting an example or being in the kitchen all the time?" A somewhat pained look crossed his face. "I grew up in Charity's shadow... and in burden of taking care of Mark-- which I was happy to do. I don't want to ever inflict something like that on my kids because it's fun to think about. I want them to grow up who they're going to be... and I don't want to be... disappointed because of some backwards expectation I had for who I thought they were going to become."
"It is, because... I know I felt the expectation as a kid. And even if we alter our expectations to suit who they are... if we have expectations, kids feel that. It might be harder for them to recognize that our thoughts have changed, than it is for us."
"I guess... teaching them right from wrong is very different from... what you expect them to be like, and what personality you want them to have... and whether or not you want them to be a boy or a girl."
He frowned. "But that's not what you were saying. You were talking about a boy kids can look up to, and a nurturing first-born daughter. Those are... personality traits that we don't have any control over. And I don't want my son to think he has to be the prime example for everyone, because then when he falls short, he'll feel as though he's disappointed us, and that can lead to... dangerous perfectionism, or something worse. Or a girl to think that she has to be nurturing, when she's not any good at that... and the same idea."
"Like I said, I can work out paternity leave with Mark, if that's necessary. I could definitely cut back my hours at the shop, but I think they might have to spend some portion of the day-- even it's just a half day-- at Lil Bundles."
"I think it's something we'd have to discuss. I own the shop with Mark. I can't just up and quit it, Elle. I already know you'd far more prefer to be on the Quidditch field, or out on an Auror case than home with kids... which is why I said I'd cut back. But I can't completely quit my job, and I don't think it's reasonable of you to ask me to do so. I'd never ask the same of you."