Roleplay[]
Ardor[]
「 Arden 」Seeker for the Tutshill Tornadoes
Arden sits quietly at the Pit, staring at the abyss in front of her. It feels a bit weird being here without Amor, and honestly, she is a bit guilty that she has claimed what was once just his spot as theirs. He seemed pretty upset with her the other day when they were chatting, and that has been gnawing at her since then but she hasn't reached out because of the rather extreme and irrational fear that he does not want anything to do with her anymore. She is not sure how she could've handled that conversation better. She could have, perhaps, acknowledged what happened six months ago but she didn't know how to do it without sounding more invested in this thing than he probably is and she does not want him to think she expects that sort of commitment from him when she is also not entirely sure if she can provide it herself. There is also the whole matter of her mother who apparently has some sort of plan for Arden's future up her sleeve, but Arden tried calling her and only got her mother's personal assistant on the other end of the line. She's resigned herself to the fact that she will surely find out soon enough. It is almost amusing to her one parent was extremely involved and overbearing while the other is distant and not very fond of communication. And her mother wonders why she needs a therapist. She laughs quietly at the thought as she goes over her conversation with Amor on her phone for the nth time.
Message Me • 05:18, 18 May 2021 (UTC)
「 Amor Santiago 」first year healing student 「 he/him 」
18 y/o
werewolf
uni student
single
He feels rather entitled to his grouchiness. Amor has just finished his last NEWT, but his mind can't dwell on his academics for long. It drifts to Arden soon enough, but this only upsets him. He feels used and cast aside though he can never figure out what he could possibly be used for. It bothers him that he believed more in this than she apparently does, but she is the one going on and on about how they are meant to be. Who is she to toy with his heart? Amor recounts the interaction in his head as he staggers through the abandoned section of the dungeons, mentally drained from all the stress this has caused. He no longer needs to go through their messages to remember them, having them imprinted on the inside of his skull. His fists ball up when he remembers how a couple of his friends laughed and shoved him when he dared to open up to them about the matter. Anger bubbles in his chest, but when he crawls through the entrance to the pit and notices she is sitting there, he forces his muscles to let go. He has to play it cool. "Hello, mi amiga." Hardly cool, but whatever. Amor grins at her. He's good at pretending. He's gone through enough hidden suffering.
Message Me • 05:34, 18 May 2021 (UTC)
「 Arden 」Seeker for the Tutshill Tornadoes
Arden nearly winces at the greeting but manages to stop herself before showing any signs that she is not okay. She knows she has done something to upset him, so she has no right to also be upset. It is her fault. She decides not to greet him back, because it will only depress her when he does not reply in kind and then she will do something stupid like cry and burden him further when he is likely celebrating the end of NEWTs and not in the mood to reassure her or comfort her. "Oh, hey! How were your tests?" she asks, instead. She finally looks up at him and sees that he is grinning. Perhaps that means he did not take their conversation as hard as she did? He seems fine. Of course it is so like her to dwell on something excessively when the other person involved probably did not give it a second thought. She is so melodramatic like that – she really needs to get it under control. "Did the healing one go well?" she asks, smiling back at him brightly. "I bet you killed it." She puts away her phone before he can see what she was reading.
Message Me • 05:53, 18 May 2021 (UTC)
「 Amor Santiago 」first year healing student 「 he/him 」
18 y/o
werewolf
uni student
single
Amor stares at her as she shoves her phone somewhere else out of sight, letting his eyes linger on the spot it once was. He seems zoned out: the first sign he isn't doing just fine. After a moment, he nods and moves to sit down near her. "Hopefully not. I don't want to kill it on a Healing exam," he jokes before holding his hand out for her. His senses are firing wildly and he knows there is this uncomfortable tension. "Exams were fine." He doesn't inquire about hers because it's clear to him that she doesn't care and isn't trying. He does his best not to judge this, but doesn't understand what she could possibly plan on doing where it isn't important. Sports? Even then, she retires at some point, but he doubts she would go into quidditch at this point. "We will figure it out in July. There's no point in getting fucked up over it until then."
Message Me • 06:01, 18 May 2021 (UTC)
「 Arden 」Seeker for the Tutshill Tornadoes
Arden is rather bad at picking up on signs that other people unless she is actively seeking them out to torture herself. She laughs at his joke then glances at his hand, surprised because she is certain that she has done something wrong and she does not understand why he is still extending this kindness to her. She is used to people withdrawing and taking things from her when she has not performed the way they expected. After blinking once, she takes his hand and laces their fingers together. She squeezes it once as if to make sure that this is real. "You're right." she agrees, sounding distracted. She is certain she passed all, anyway, then probably did better on Potions than she did on the rest. She brings his hand to her mouth and kisses it once. "I've missed you." she mumbles against their hands, "I'm sorry for bothering you so much this week." she adds, frowning. She isn't sure if that's what she should be apologizing for exactly, so might as well be sorry for everything she thinks she might have done to offend him.
Message Me • 06:16, 18 May 2021 (UTC)
「 Amor Santiago 」first year healing student 「 he/him 」
18 y/o
werewolf
uni student
single
A small weight is lifted off of his chest when she holds his hand, but the weight is soon replaced with something heavier. He doesn't squeeze her hand, scared that he could crush her especially with how complicated his emotions seem to be. When she kisses his hand, his breathes in slowly and closes his eyes. "I have missed you too," he whispers quietly, still not daring to stare at her or the world yet. It's too much. He sits in silence, mustering up the courage to address the obvious before he turns to stare down at her. His smile is gone, but his thumb starts to gently trace along her index finger. "Do you seriously believe that's it?" he pushes after another silence second, voice a bit sad and fragile. It offends him almost, but he lets out a frustrated sigh to cool himself and focuses on their hands. When he finishes sighing, it becomes apparent he could be on the verge of tearing up. "As if you didn't insinuate we were just friends? What the fuck have we been doing then?" His words sputter and he feels his chest get tight. It hurts significantly less than any transformation he's been through, so he pushes it aside. Still, when he tries to breathe in, it's unsteady and he quietly curses at himself. "If we're just friends, then I might as well be the fucking Pope. Come on." Amor stares at Arden for a long time, trying to absorb every detail on her face to try to sort out her thoughts before she even starts to express them.
Message Me • 06:44, 18 May 2021 (UTC)
「 Arden 」Seeker for the Tutshill Tornadoes
Arden relaxes when he says he misses her too, and focuses on the way his thumb traces her hand to calm herself further, but then he continues talking and she tenses up again. She listens carefully, and realization dawns on her face. So that was what he was upset about? She feels stupid for not realizing it sooner, and sits quietly, staring at their hands before she says anything. "Wait, I – " she cuts herself off. She feels like the more she talks, the more likely it is she will say something stupid and it is obvious that she is thinking and trying to collect her thoughts anyway. After a deep breath, she starts. "I'm sorry for what I said." she says, "I didn't realize that it would hurt you like that. You're right; we're not just – I didn't realize you – " She does not want this to turn into a fight because Arden knows she does not fare well when people are angry with her, so she is struggling with her words as she tries to find the ones that she thinks are the ones she's supposed to say. "You are very important to me." she says, struggling to get her thoughts in order. "I didn't think we needed a label to make that obvious." She almost says everyone knows they're together already, but she doesn't verbalize it because it scares her fully realizing that is the case. "Is that something you want?"
Message Me • 07:18, 18 May 2021 (UTC)
「 Amor Santiago 」first year healing student 「 he/him 」
18 y/o
werewolf
uni student
single
Amor continues the soft movements along her hand, hoping she will understand that this is not an argument. The whole conversation feels pathetic; her words go in one ear and seemingly straight out the other. He's not convinced, but he knows it's not her responsibility to convince him. It just feels...pathetic. He sighs quietly this time. "I used to," he answers honestly. Amor loves Arden, and as much as he still wants to scoop her up in his arms and kiss her all over and tell the world they are together, he hasn't heard much that implies it's a possibility. He wants to date her, and not just fool around under covers. His boundaries have been shoved backwards, expanding what he has been willing to do outside of having that confirmed commitment from someone, because he loves her and he wanted to be patient and go with her pace. He shouldn't have, and it isn't her fault either. It wasn't as if she pushed him. He just believed in something without confirming that that was the page they were on. "I don't believe we're in the position for that anymore. I don't think- Fuck, I don't think we ever were." He pauses, reliving their time together and trying to figure out if he ever had a reason to assume so much about their friendship. "It doesn't sound as if you found it important anyways. Do you?"
Message Me • 08:02, 18 May 2021 (UTC)
「 Arden 」Seeker for the Tutshill Tornadoes
Arden wishes she had more time to prepare herself for this conversation, because right now she is floundering and struggling to come up with things to say. There is a part of her that wants to tell him she loves him, but it feels wrong to do so during an argument (because to her, this is an argument) and she is scared that he will not reciprocate. He did say, after all, that he used to want these things with her, which means he does not want to anymore. "Our – " She bites her tongue when she almost says the word 'friendship' again, but she does not know what other word she is supposed to use. Calling it a relationship might be overestimating, and there does not seem to be a word for what is in between. "What we have is so important to me." she tells him, looking down at their hands then back up at him. Looking at his face suddenly makes her feel more panicked, and the reality of what she is about to lose hits her like a train. "You could have told me that's what you wanted." she says, quietly, but her voice is shaking. Once what she just said registers to her, her eyes widen because she does not want it to seem like she is blaming him when obviously she is the one at fault. "No – I should've realized and talked to you and – " She takes another deep breath. "We can be in the position for that. You don't have to say we aren't; I can do this if it'll make you happy. If I realized sooner that you wanted more, I would've been willing to do it for you. Let's forget I said anything the other day. And we can... We can try being together. Properly." She clasps his hand between her own two and looks right at him. "I can do that. And I'll be better this time." She does not want to lose him.
Message Me • 09:00, 18 May 2021 (UTC)
「 Amor Santiago 」first year healing student 「 he/him 」
18 y/o
werewolf
uni student
single
His heart seems to slowly float down to the bottom of his chest cavity as she continues on. It isn't a sudden drop. It's more painful than that, watching the franticness in her face. "Arden, for fuck's sake, bro..." His voice is quiet and he stares down at their hands before folding his other hand on top of hers. "You are so important to me, and you have no idea how fantastic of a person you are. I wish you believed me," he starts, but then he has to stop to collect himself. He loves Arden and only wishes he could tell her that, but there doesn't seem to be a point when she will refuse it. A larger part of him is just worried he will find out it isn't reciprocated. Amor breathes in slowly before finishing. "This is the fault of no one in particular, and it's no one's responsibility to solve it. I don't want you forcing yourself into something you're not in the headspace for. I- I don't want you to feel obligated to do anything because of me. I won't endorse that." He's stressed, imagining himself as someone she fears- she believes she has to try to appease. Why does he make her so terrified? "We shouldn't do this. We can wait until we're both better." Except Amor doesn't get better, does he? Or is he just using the fact that he's a werewolf as some sort of excuse? God, why does he make her so nervous?
Message Me • 09:57, 18 May 2021 (UTC)
「 Arden 」Seeker for the Tutshill Tornadoes
Most of what he says does not resonate with her; Arden is not a words person and she is not self-aware enough to realize that, but she does understand that he is trying to be comforting and reassuring so she stares down again at their hands as that is what is bringing her comfort. It suddenly occurs to her that he is saying that they shouldn't do this, and she feels panic bubble in her chest again as she stares down at their hands and realizes this may be the last time she gets to hold his when she has grown so accustomed to being tangled up with him the past six months. "What do you mean we shouldn't do this?" she asks, sounding confused and distraught. "What happened the other day was – It wasn't anything. Things don't have to change because of that." she insists, "We were doing just fine. You don't need to be better." She knows she does, but she also knows she is capable of becoming better. She has always been able to do so in the past. Why is this any different. "I can do this. I'm not forcing myself into anything." she says, though she makes no move to deny that she is not in the right headspace to embark on a relationship. Arden was not in the right headspace to do things for most of her life, and she is still alive and well, so why should it matter? "I want what will make you happy." she tells him earnestly. She isn't sure what else there is to say. "What we have is so important to me. Please." She isn't exactly sure what she's asking for, but it is obvious from the tone of her voice that she wholeheartedly means each word she says.
Message Me • 15:52, 18 May 2021 (UTC)
「 Amor Santiago 」first year healing student 「 he/him 」
18 y/o
werewolf
uni student
single
Twice, she has said it's what they have and not him that is so important to her, but he quells his hurt from that for the time being. Again he isn't sure what he could possibly have been used for. "I know. I know. It's important to me too." Absentmindedly, he kisses her hand, but he quickly replaces the spot with his other hand and sets their hands down in her lap when he notices what he's done. It occurs to him then that this might be the last time they're doing this, but...that's not what he had meant to do. "We shouldn't date. In good conscience, I can't do that." Even if it wasn't his initial intention, he has to commit to it. It's for the best. He's seeing that unravel before him. "We can be important to each other and still admit that now isn't the time. It's fine, Arden. It doesn't have to mean our friendship is over- You mean a lot to me, and I wouldn't want that." Amor would hate to lose her. If she wanted him as far away as possible, then he would accept that over time. He would have to, and he would understand.
Message Me • 21:28, 18 May 2021 (UTC)
「 Arden 」Seeker for the Tutshill Tornadoes
She frowns because she realizes then that she doesn't exactly know how to be Amor's friend. Even before they started this thing between them, they were already hanging off of each other and joking about raising a daughter together. That does not seem very characteristic of a friendship, so she knows that they cannot go back to that. What will it be for them to go back to, then? She does not know, but she feels it will be depressing. Arden does not voice any of these concerns, instead dropping her gaze to stare at the patch of skin on her hand where he kissed her, then she looks back up at him. "I don't want that either." she agrees quietly. It is difficult coming up with what to say mostly because what she wants to say is that she loves him, but she does not want him to think that she is being insincere in a last ditch effort to save whatever it is they share. That's what she would assume, at least, if she were in his position. Every time she opens her mouth though, it runs the risk of coming out. "What now?" she asks. She isn't sure how they're supposed to proceed, so she might as well find out what he wants and adjust to that.
Message Me • 02:57, 19 May 2021 (UTC)
「 Amor Santiago 」first year healing student 「 he/him 」
18 y/o
werewolf
uni student
single
Amor huffs, turning down towards the pit. His shoulders tense as they rise up towards his ears, visibly frustrated in his confusion. It dissipates quickly and he soon enough appears defeated once more. He doesn't know what happens now. All he knows for certain is that what he wants to happen is very different from what should happen. "We're friends. We don't-" He turns to face her, but his gaze is shifted down towards her chest. It quickly diverts up towards her eyes, but it's a bit too painful. He gulps, eyes falling towards their hands for a moment before he finds his strength and stares down at her. "We will figure out boundaries over time. I don't know what either of us can manage at the moment... but I want to be a part of your life still if you will have me." Amor considers what this means, and he worries that even though she says she doesn't want their friendship to be over, that that is to calm him for the moment's being. He remembers what happened after the full moon and wonders how close it will be to that. The thought makes him anxious and subsequently his head starts to ache.
Message Me • 09:38, 21 May 2021 (UTC)
「 Arden 」Seeker for the Tutshill Tornadoes
Arden lets out a breath, all her emotions very clear and apparent on her face. She is stumped and confused and frustrated and sad all at once, all because she has no idea how they will proceed from her and it hurts her heart just thinking about it or trying to make sense of this situation. "I want that too." she says instead of making any promises. She does not know, honestly, if she will be able to interact with him after this considering that during the issue with the full moon, it was so painful being around him and not being able to reach out and touch him whenever she liked or lean in and kiss him whenever she liked or anything else of that nature. She still cannot help but beat herself up over the fact that this all spiraled from that dumb text she sent and she will surely cry about this and blame herself more later when she is alone and there is no one else to reassure her otherwise. She is quiet as she brings her knees to her chest to rest her face, still unwilling to let go of Amor's hand. "So, is this it?" she mumbles, "Do you want me to go?"
Message Me • 10:03, 21 May 2021 (UTC)
「 Amor Santiago 」first year healing student 「 he/him 」
18 y/o
werewolf
uni student
single
"No, of course not," he answers, almost immediately. He barely gives himself time to contemplate it. Amor doesn't want her to just leave because what if this is the last time they see each other outside of class? What are the chances she will want to be around him anymore? His thumb starts tracing her hand again slowly. "This- This is it though. I think." The tightness he has been developing in his chest only seems to double in size at his final acknowledgement of this. Amor had hoped that perhaps it would help as if it was some final conclusion and they could breathe slowly again, but he doesn't feel as if he can breathe. He feels as if he will never breathe again. He winces. "I don't want you to go. I-" He stares at her, pleading. He knows he cannot expect her to linger around the pit for much longer, but he isn't prepared to let go of her hand just yet. He isn't prepared for this to be the last time they touch or the last time they sit this close. Tears start to pool and he curses himself. He's fucked up, hasn't he? He's fucked up. Why did he do this? They could have been fine- This isn't true, and he knows it. It's difficult not to blame himself- villainize himself.
Message Me • 10:15, 21 May 2021 (UTC)
「 Arden 」Seeker for the Tutshill Tornadoes
Arden nods wordlessly, squeezing his hand as if to tell him that she will stay. She feels that if she tries talking, she will just burst into tears and she does not want to guilt him with her sadness when this is obviously all her fault. When she feels she is ready to speak, she opens her mouth to tell him that they will surely get better like he said and they will be able to go back to the way things were. Before she can say anything, Arden thinks about the paths laid in front of her and she does not see herself improving in any way for as long as she has not yet figured herself out. At this point she feels that she never will, and she would not like to lie to someone so important to her as Amor is by giving him false hope of a hypothetical reunion that she is not even sure he would want. She closes her mouth and instead of saying anything, she kisses his shoulder once before resting her head on it and looking straight ahead. They can have a couple more minutes, she thinks. They deserve at least that much.
Message Me • 10:24, 21 May 2021 (UTC)