Hey, you! Come over here! Step lively there, I can't be waiting around all day, you know. I've got things to do. And you'll never guess what I've discovered, mind. Well, not discovered, quite, more like found. After I found myself here, obviously.
Look, let me start at, you know, the start. There I was, minding my own business in the back room of Dervish and Banges, just whipping up a brew or two, nothing special, when I sneeze, and next thing I know, I open my eyes and I'm in Hogwarts. Well, you don't go to school here for seven years and not remember the smell of the old place. So I looks around, like, expecting, you know, something familiar, but this was never the old Alchemy Classroom. It was the new Alchemy Professor's Office, here on the Fifth Floor. I mean, who in their right mind puts a bunch of teenage alchemists more than a survivable fall's height above the ground? It just doesn't make . . Anyway, best not start rabbiting on about that. Let's just say it was all the Alchemy facilities, and truth be told, I was a little jealous, you know, thinking back on what we had, anyway . . .
And that wasn't the end of the shocks, no, not by a long stretch. Did you know they've got enough Animagi roaming loose around this place they need a Trainer? I kid you not, a full-time Animagi Trainer on the staff, no less. I tell you, it's all gone to the dogs, since - hey, did you get that? And even that's less freaky that what's next door - Ghoul Studies. In my day, you saw one of the walking dead, you hit him with a Stunning charm and ran like, pardon the phrase, the hounds of hell were on your heels. You didn't try to get him to engage on the subject of his current mental state, or the problems of finding formalwear for your own funeral. Not if you weren't looking to learn by experience about that second. Brrr. Gives me the chills just thinking about it.
Anyway, things got better at the end of the hall, what with the Nymph live model in the Wizard Art Class, and giving my face a good rinse in the bathroom at the end there that Prefect let me in to. So I was refreshed, recovered and ready to be on my way – on foot, like, 'cos however I got here I know I won't be Apparating out, when it suddenly struck me – I left my best alembic in the Prof's office back here. So, which way's quicker, down these stairs, or along the corridor and following the wall all the way to the main doors?